I'm only 16 years old, maybe I've just come to realize this, but I'm only 16.

I don't need a dead serious relationship, because you know what, even if I meet the girl of my dreams tommorrow
and we date for 2 years steady, for 4 years steady, I'm not getting married till I'm out of college. I want to be stable. Wild maybe, but stable.


Today a single girl made my day, hell my week. "it's really attractive" referencing my blue hair.
I had a feeling she liked me for a while but just wasn't sure.
Either way, I was really happy that someone that I barely know at all can be just that open.
She's really cool, but I'm not dating, and she's not one to just "hang out" like goood friends
or I don't think so.
Either way, just friends is great.

My knee hurts like fuck. But I like it? I do. It's not the pain from the old injury right now.
It's a different type of a pain, I can't really describe it, I mean it hurts so much, but at the same time
it feels good because I havent felt it in a long time.

I just got back from NYC, got some cool cds for good deals.

My "40 day lent" has been great so far!

But today I got a reminder about girls, when my friend asked me who I liked.
Well it's a few main girls, none of which I can actually have, and all of which in a way I have had.
In order of when I became Close friends with them:

#1. Never dated. Kissed. Met over the summer, but is taken and lives in another state.

#2. Dated, err Ish. Kissed. Great friend, care about a lot. Wouldn't risk it for the world, she'd have to make the move.

#3. Dated. Good friends now. Still Kinda like, but to worried/scared to ask for a second chance, out of fear of awkwardness.

Now the good news: Ususally this all would piss me off, and really bug me, yet I can still be happy like this now.
So the 40 days is helping so far.

Oh and that friend who "forgave me", really forgave me. I feel like things are pretty much back to normal between us.

Recently I've been trying to fix a broken friendship and today I was told it was ok. But then again I was told it was ok before and it wasn't. I still don't think it is ok, I think she just said it was to get me to shut up
She raised a good point though: When will I help myself if I'm always trying to please someone else.

I think by trying to fix this friendship I am helping myself. Because as much as I hate to admit it, and I wish I could handle everything myself, I need my friends.
But I do take care of myself. I was even able to say no to someone without any guilt whatsoever.

I didn't want to say any of this earlier because I feared making you angry, ruining your good mood. So I posted it here, both hoping you do and don't read it.

For now this is just a rant, Later I'll come back and add more.